Who knows what started the big argument that led you to the breakup. You both let your tempers flare and said a few things that were cruel and out of line.
Now, you are sitting in a restaurant, staring at a half-eaten sandwich, trying to ignore the fact that the song the two of you first danced to has just played for the third time.
Just as you make up your mind to try the sandwich for the umpteenth time, a little girl skips by. Her mother calls her by your girlfriend’s name. Your heart thumbs in your ribcage, and you are almost sick at the idea that she’s not with you anymore.
Ordinarily, your pride comes before anything else. After all, you can’t look like a cream puff in front of the fellas. It’s her loss, right? She’ll come crawling back because you’re a good catch. She’ll beg to be your girl again.
But no call has come. You’ve checked your cell phone for text messages, and there are none. There’s not even a pining email asking you to come over so the two of you can talk.
This is no time to be stubborn. You want your girlfriend back, and you don’t care if you have to soften your macho stance or risk your own bruised ego to make it happen.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Groveling in front of her family and friends helps, but only if you mean what you’re saying. Make no mistake, all the people who witness you humbling yourself for her forgiveness are watching every muscle in your face to see if you are lying. But apologize, and mean it. And make sure you’re not apologizing for the wrong thing. Maybe you think she’s mad because you forgot her birthday, but what she’s really mad about is not being enough of a priority to be remembered on any occasion. Your willingness to be wrong and offer a sincere apology says that you’re willing to fight for her.
2. It’s going to take more than flowers, though they are a nice start. Instead of the usual, predictable dozen red roses, try flowers that speak specifically to her individual tastes. Better than flowers is the potted plant, something you both can care for if you do manage to reconcile. The point is any kind of gift you give should be thoughtful, tasteful and not a cliche.
3. Forget about playing the jealousy game with another woman. It may bring her back temporarily and may even garner some memorable makeup sessions, but it won’t fix what is wrong. Ask yourself: Do you want a woman with you because she’s afraid someone else will have you, or do you want a woman who simply wants you, regardless of anyone else?
4. Re-create your first date with her and court her again. Anger and bitterness subside when she can remember what brought you two together in the first place. If you can’t take her to the exact location of that first date, re-create it with the most important artifacts from that date. If it happened on a beach, place two beach chairs in the living room and re-enact your first conversation.
5. Don’t badger her. There is a fine line between persistence and harassment. You certainly don’t want to engage in the latter. Let her know that you don’t want to give up, but if she expresses extreme displeasure with your pursuit, give her some space and time. Even when she’s at the height of anger, something sinks in, and she will remember what you’ve said even if she doesn’t acknowledge it right away. Your goal is to plant a good seed and watch it grow.
Face the fact that she may not give in to any of this. Your time together may simply be over.
But if she hasn’t yet closed the door on your relationship, plan a smooth – not a forceful – re-entry. Be sincere in your efforts and give her some space to process it all.
Otherwise, you’ll spend many more days sitting in a restaurant, staring at a soggy sandwich alone.
